SEPTEMBER

Sometimes it is hard to put into words what’s beginning and what we hope to come.  Maybe this will help explain what began in September- a curiosity. One that sparked something in me that’s only seemed to grow over the past few months. I was tired of it all. The comparison, the rush, the hustle, the pressure- and so much of it seemed to come from social media. More than anything I wanted my freedom again, to run in wild unknown and not be discouraged because it doesn’t look like someone else’s adventure. Nor the adventure I’m hoping to come. Because in reality- adventures have to begin somewhere before they ever take us there. So here is the beginning, the journal entry you’re allowed to read:

I don't feel inadequate or as though I'm behind. I'm not comparing. I'm curious- at the wonder escaping us, of all the processes we aren't finishing. We write a page and post it for the world to see; we feel the thrill of a book finished and perhaps never even write the next chapter. Like an artist sketching out portraits that only remains outlines as the purpose of it all is lost in the applause and comments. I'm not paranoid, I'm curious. Of the artists, authors, and creatives that came before us. The ones we gawk over, sing along to, and applaud. We see the results, we never see the years before. The years spent of them perfecting their craft, of pressing in, processing, and simply trying again and again. We can so easily fast forward to the end of a movie to discover it- but how many of us are in the crucial years of our craft? The years we cannot afford to skip or fast forward through. Our voices being shaped, our courage being grown. I am not fearful of success and it's absence- Im curious. Is there more in me? Is there more in you? We are in a world blossoming with creativity- as it should be! And yet what if we are seeds staring at the tops of apple trees? What if these are the years to establish our roots rather than compete to be the tallest? The years to write the stories, imagine, break free, to speak those poems, experience the things behind the song, to keep our eyes open for the photo opportunity and not our Instagram posts. Perhaps we shouldn't try to fast forward through these years and these roots just beginning. If we are competing we may just miss the truth. If we are racing we may not even hear the still small voice, 'write this, paint that'. Caught up in comparison we might just miss it. It's not that I'm thinking again and again of the things I could be doing- I've done that before as though it were never enough. That's not true, that's not what I mean.I mean, what if we miss it? Not because we never had it or never could but because we are so busy selling that we aren't even telling stories- stories, marvelous stories that need to be told! Whether it be through words, the end of a paintbrush, the lens of a camera, acted out on a stage, or danced through ballet shoes. What if the wonder escapes us because we were so busy hustling we were no longer listening to the days? Wandering in wonder, awakening our imagination? I feel so deeply that it's time to come back to the art of creativity. Am I crazy? Perhaps. Am I a broken record- saying this again and again? Possibly. But it's too deep a ripple in our society- the ideas we are silencing, the risks we aren't taking, the creativity we hide behind thinly veiled excuses of busyness and the success it could probably never bring. I believe creativity is important and that it's deeply rooted in us all. I can't fathom the wonder escaping us and I don't want to. I'm not scared of what we've missed, I'm curious to know what's still in us? What has been silenced and what is so softly beginning that it is imperative we don't ignore it? Perhaps it's time to become as we once were- as children. To take back the art of creativity from those who demand we prove it's worth. And to simply get lost in the art of it all, to let joy be found in the process again. Let creativity be as it once was- freeing. And this is why, why I keep locking my phone and shaking my head, shaking off all the opinions and comparisons- I'd rather create than generate a successful following. I'd rather hear something new in the silence than hear the loud voices of everyone else. I feel as though I am on the brink of something beautiful, of perhaps stronger roots. I don't feel as though it'll be like this forever, after all social media itself is a powerful creative tool. But if used in the wrong way or at the wrong time it is damaging, stunting our growth and halting the process. I don't feel as though it'll be like this forever, but I feel convicted by the wonder that's just on the other side of it all. And I'm curious, I just have to know- what does it look like? If it were a story, how would it be told? Whatever it is, I want to tell it and I don't want to miss the words or jumble them up. So here's to the art of creating, and creating freely- without agendas or comparisons. To roots that go deeper than that, straight to freedom and voices so loud they don't need a microphone. Here's to going back to the beginning again, as it once was.